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Seven Signs You May Be Dead

     Many people today are unsure of whether or not they are dead. Many dead people are still walking around, working and otherwise acting normally, while they should be lying down and being buried. The dead should remain dead, and pursue their uniquely dead lifestyles. As a public service, we have provided a list of seven signs of death. If you answer yes to any or all of these signs, you may already be dead. If so, consult a mortician immediately.

  1. You find coins on your eyes.
  2. You show a marked lack of interest in personal hygiene.
  3. Lack of reaction to physical stimuli such as stabbing or burning.
  4. Strong odor, reminiscent of rotting ham.
  5. Difficulty performing physical tasks, such as standing, waving or blinking.
  6. Inability to whistle, explained by the fact that you no longer breathe.
  7. People keep looking at you, saying you look natural.


© 1998 by Garry J. Sled