Back Short Bits

Microsoft Expands Copyright Empire

Silicon Valley (AP); Simon Orsina, Public Relations officer for Microsoft, today announced that his company was successful in their legal bid to expand their already vast list of copyrights. "We were tired of people taking advantage of the cloud theme found in the background of Windows 95 products." Mr. Orsina told a crowded press conference. "We have applied for, and have been granted permission to, copyright the concept of clouds."

     How this will affect the general public, and cloud related industries such as weather reports, cotton candy manufacturers, and toilet paper companies, has yet to be determined. In a later press release, Microsoft has said "...enjoyment of clouds will not be curtailed, but all who observe and enjoy fluffy cloud formations must publicly acknowledge their indebtedness to the Microsoft corporation..."

     Emboldened by their success, Microsoft has applied for copyright protection on numerous other "Windows 95 related, or potentially related, concepts and issues". Among the concepts named in the copyright application are: rainy afternoons, the smell of a clean baby, memories of your first kiss, the taste of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and maternal love. Microsoft admits their goals to be lofty, but is confident of their chances for success.

     Should they be successful, Microsoft owner and alpha-geek Bill Gates has announced his plan to create a new Microsoft product, which he has tentatively entitled "Windows Life". This product, according to Mr. Gates, goes beyond virtual reality, into a concept he calls "Real Reality" (copyrights on the terms "Real" and "Reality" are pending).

     "Real Reality, or RR," says Mr. Gates, "is a bold and visually stunning attempt to take Virtual Reality to the next level. Instead of being a mere observer in a limited, computer generated world, the user of Microsoft RR will actually be thrown into the real world - mind, body and soul."

     Many computer users, used to decades of near inactivity, stuck in front of a computer screen for sometimes months on end, have shown great excitement over this project. "RR will be all will take the user from birth, through his life, all the way to his eventual death," Mr. Gates said. "All without the visible presence of a computer. RR users will be able to go swimming, climb trees, attend schools, ride horses...all the things they enjoy in Virtual Reality worlds, but with a much more complex and visually stimulating operating environment....real life."

     An unidentified Apple executive was quoted as calling Bill Gates "....a sarcastic bastard...", and later claimed that Apple had created the same product seventeen years before computers were even invented.

DISCLAIMER: The word "Microsoft" is copyrighted by some company or another. I am in no way associated with that company. Microsoft did not really copyright the concept of clouds. C'mon, really, if you believed that stuff, then give your head a shake, ok?


© 1998 by Garry J. Sled